With so many comings and goings in life sometimes it has been hard for me to settle into a consistent dream, vision, values for my life due to some limitations I had put on myself. Through this time of pause and needing to wait for the tides to shift, I have had to go inwards and truly feel the feelings of angst, pain, fear, and loneliness for the dream I had in mind has not yet emerged. 

But as I dig through the feelings I see that the whole time my purpose was right there in front of me - give and receive, give more than I get, and let the world guide me through into loving human beings and allowing myself to truly thrive with other people around me. It is due to commitment, to planting, to merging with others and community that we thrive. It is through love and connection that we grow to our fullest version. And it is because of dropping the focus on the wrong things (the material things of the world) that the true focus on relationship health and success emerged. Covid solidified that as the truth is I have been more content in many ways dropping all of the external things and focusing on the healthy doting relationships than I had in the past for so many reasons. Mainly because I grew in my confidence in those relationships as well as in my capacity to nurture them and receive from them as well.

What is your purpose? How has it solidified this year?

When the universe throws you a curve ball, you must adjust. But man is it hard. I was on a course expecting a certain outcome, but the tides shifted and I couldn't proceed in the way I planned. As a result I paused, took some time out to get the support I needed emotionally as well as spiritually, but now I am seeing the clearly just how important the pause is. 

As  result of the pause I am now happier, more content, as well as now calmer inside due to the meditation and spiritual lessons I was reading, but mainly due to the expanse of friends and family who have come to my side. For someone who took a long time to cultivate a support system so vast and so wonderfully accommodating, I feel fortunate to know that the right people have now come by my side and that I am not on my own in the hard times, but powerfully held up. That was a large undertaking and I realize just how powerful it is to nurture and grow relationships, how much effort and time it takes to put into growing a resourceful network, but mainly how important it is to stand by each other in the good and bad times.

So many people had my back but more importantly I was content in the adjustment due to the wisdom I was now able to listen to as I calmed down and duly trusted that the pause was for the good. I was meant to open up and coalesce with these friends and family and healthily connect heart to heart and now the beginnings of soul to soul with a wise circle of family and friends.  For in due time all of who I am could settle into a deeper connection with them as well as changing the course of my future for when the change does occur I will be able to connect and care in a much deeper way. 

Everything happens for the good even when you might not be able to see it in the moment!
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When things suddenly change and the course you were on veers off in another direction for some time one must adjust quickly or careen into desperately trying to stay on the course which is not opening.  When all the doors start slamming shut to the path that you were on, then slow down, pace yourself, and determine how you can handle the slow down or pause.

For me a big change was about to occur, but things outside of my control keep boxing me in to not be able to make progress on the change. While I desperately am waiting for this change to occur I needed to relieve myself of the strain of the slow down by surrounding myself with support, opening up myself up to/adapt to progress slowing down, and mainly now changing directions for some time. While I taught myself many times to not force things in this case I still wanted to try. Nothing good has come out of forcing and/or praying for things to work out my way and in the timeframe that I want it. 

God and the universe have other plans and can and will open up the doors to progress when the time is right. In the meantime I must remember that everything happens for the good and that the future will play out as it should. In the meantime I must trust in the here and now and not seclude myself or get down on things for the world is opening up in different ways for now and I must embrace the path that is naturally opening up courageously.

What do you have to trust in or have faith about in your life? Are you experiencing delays to something you have wanted? What do you need to open up to allowing instead for a little while?

When life throws you many problems it may feel like you will never come out on top. But if you keep pursuing the light, the celebration, the love it always comes. Remember that the road less traveled can feel like an uphill battle but the truth is pursuing what is in your heart is truly the wisest and most precious gift that you can give to yourself. 

When you pursue your dreams they may actually come true. And when it does happen love and care and healthy relationships overflow. When the time is right. When you have let go and allowed space to align your dreams with your actions then winning can truly take place. I know for me it took a while, but when I finally took the time to pursue my dreams (rather than mostly giving to others dreams) I took a hold of my life and am making my heart's dreams soar.

What dreams are you still wanting to pursue? What actions can you take to pursue them?

When one chapter in your life and/or work world closes and another opens up it is time to celebrate. All of the others may have gone through big changes in the past and experienced celebrations and when it is your time to also celebrate do so with abandon! We all deserve to feel that warm blanket of support, feeling like we are on top of the world, and pursuing our biggest dreams. 

When we are in transition like that celebrating the win is important to appropriately honor the phase you are leaving and to also appropriately welcome in the new stage. With the support of friends, colleagues and family all of life and work's transitions can be welcomed and therefore change is not as hard as it needs to be.

What do you or can you celebrate now?

Believing in something bigger and letting go within to truly experiencing it is an unbelievable experience. For so long I knew intellectually that I had a purpose to help others, open others to see the possibilities in their own lives, but also to open them up to something bigger than themselves - open heartedness as well as love for themselves and others.

But in 2020 and as it continues into 2021 being inward more there has been space created to allow for that head knowing to align me within to my true purpose in life - love. While I had been in my head for so long I was not able to truly allow, open up to and/or receive my purpose to thrive due to my own hesitation to truly believe it. However love opened me up. Love made me whole. Love grabbed me by the heart and let me truly wisely love myself and others the way I never could open up to before. Love really does heal so much but truly it is the spiritual balm we all need. Now more than ever we need to show love to others as well as ourselves during this time when Covid has made us stay home and truly reflect more and more about our own values, needs, and wants and distinguish between them rather than think they are all the same.

Wealth truly is spiritually aligning to our truth as well as knowing we can act it out in the world. What do you need to align to and how can you take this time when we are home to do it?

Happy 2021!​ What a year 2020 was. With so much uncertainty, anxiety, and stress, we learned to adapt, change, slow down, go inward, spend time with family and let go. With all of that pause I have gotten to a joyous place within knowing that contentment, peace, happiness, and love all are an inside out job. While we all look externally for these things, really they start with us. 

As I had more time to go within, be more mindful, and truly trust my own gut through a time when everything outside was different and challenging I realized that there is joy in the little things. There is joy in the mundane, joy in the connections deepening with old friends and new, new partners and friends, but mainly opening up the role of partner for the first time in a way which is whole, deep, powerful, but mainly tender. While the opening happened intellectually 5-6 years ago, my body and spirit only really opened in 2020 due to the work of staying put and naturally letting go of anxiety and fear rather than avoiding those feelings by running around, going to events, and not letting my spirit evolve.

With the down time at the end of the year I realized that the world is full of love if we just open our hearts and spirits to them. We just have to end the mindset of fear and truly open up within to joy by really taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves first not only but not opening up to giving more than we get. It is my new motto for the year.

​What is your motto for 2021?

While I always had some what of a faith, I never really truly let go of control in my life. I meditated, opened myself up to religious teachings, even did service work, but in the core of me I was still reticent to believe the truth there was really a big force at play (or that I didn't have to work hard or make sure things happened in life). 

This year with Covid, with not being able to truly be with friends and family in a way that I have in the past, and also in in trusting that there must be some greater good going on with all of the hardships this year (Covid, social injustice, elections...) I truly chose to let go. I believe with all of my heart now that love does conquer everything, that the role of friend, family member, colleague requires nourishing others, but mainly now opening up to the pleasure and pain of healthy relationships and not letting go when things get hard.

For the first time I trust God or a higher being to truly take the reigns and me not worry about the goals I am trying to achieve. For the first time I am letting go and trusting that things will work out the way that they should and now opening up within to fully letting go not only but now opening up to  healthy partnerships in a way that I never could have by trying to control the outcome.

I am now fully surrendered to trust, to love, to devotion, but now also to true faith in something bigger and no longer holding back from once and for all laying down all of my need to control and wisely opening up my arms to say thanks for whatever arises and/or whatever leaves for my whole being now knows that it is the only way for me to fully blossom into the best version of me.

What do you need to lay down and/or let go of?

Now that I am elevating my energy physically (through working out daily), emotionally (through developing who I am in relationship to others), mentally (through working in deeper communities of trust), and spiritually (through time blocking deeper conversations no more but letting my body now guide me through in difficult decisions as well as meditating much more regularly in depth) I am seeing just how strong I can be. As a result the power within me is growing and I am becoming the best version of me that I can possibly be.

Now that I am open to receive, limited no more by my childhood imbalances, and loving of myself fully all of the deeper values in my heart, mind, body, and soul are now able to flourish. For the wisdom within me now opens up and lets go of anger at myself or something higher, and now focuses on the progress I have made instead. For the real deep social core of me now healthily wakes up to just how much love is all around me and just how important strong, stable, and supportive relationships really are to your wellbeing. 

I am now in a place to give and receive, powerfully own my own worth, as well as lift/support others up to see theirs, but now amazingly also in powerful circles enough to elevate my true authentic self and joyfully attract to me my partner. For before I was always getting down about how much I didn't trust people as they came close or I was blinded by my own imbalances inside thereby picking improper people. But now as I diminish my own heart's needs, vision, desires, but mostly my dreams then I no longer attract to me lacking in power themselves people.

What do you need to "own" in order to draw towards you your dreams, visions, and desires?