When you are in a loving partnership growth happens, but then limitations get revealed as well. When there is pampering of the strengths then the weaknesses get diminished as well as worries flee. For in the early stages of a healthy dynamic both people focus solely on the good, but after the honeymoon period is over weaknesses begin to open up.
When the bonding grows through the post honeymoon period love can flourish. When the deep fissures begin to show through the elevation of focus on those things which are not working then progress gets slowed, but doesn't need to stop. As I now open up to the worthiness inside of me who I see as my partner is revealed not as what I need but truly through what was my blindspots from my youth as well as through time being spent through the eyes of my wellbeing. As I see through those eyes I see that I was not wrong in this choice, but not willing to see that I socialized improperly for so long as a child that I am still choosing those types of encumberances. As I now open up to the proper love in my life I can let go of those improper types and now finally embrace the readiness inside of me to FLY!
What do you need to let go of so that you can fly?
Even in caring and loving partnerships conflicts arise. Deep insecurities surface. Disagreements occur. And in a powerful union that doesn't tear the two apart, but deepens the resolve and love to work through the tough times together. While insecurities can push the other away for some time, in love the the two have to work together to truly thrive. One thriving and the other not is not a healthy union. Both people have to rise to the level together to be able to commit to a fruitful future together.
In the times of Covid these arguments are heightened, deeper partnerships emerge, and deep insecurities come as well. With the togetherness that arises in quarantine times loneliness is no longer available, but joy also goes away some in the darkness of picking out insecurities that arise when love is blossoming. With deep care however insecurities can be managed, love can right size, and bonds can deepen.
Through these arising conflicts focus on compassion as well as deep care for the other person. Use care to soften the jagged edges and humor to lighten the moments. Though conflict can be heard deeper levels of partnership and intimacy can arise through growing the family unit rather than continuing to shy away from it.
What conflict do you need to have? What do you need to work through to deepen your partnerships or family units?
As you grow in power, authenticity, but also trust healthy partnerships with friends, a romantic partner, colleagues, as well as those you socialize/work with become easier. As a leader networking is critical to success. And in life partnership is like breathing oxygen into an otherwise deeply lonely existence.
With joy comes relaxation of the the heart, tenderness grows, and now deep soulful attraction can arise due to limitations within no more but trust of the world, of what is arriving being exactly what is needed, but mainly duty to the path emerging in front of you finally feeling right not mixed wires (e.g. - needing it, but it truly not feeling good). I know I had a long path to feeling joy and tenderness, and now kindness towards myself but also truly towards others as well, (but not in a self-martyring way, but in a way that caresses the other without giving up on the self).
All of that internal work of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and building up the muscle of resilience (e.g. - strength and power) truly elevated me through into doting on myself so much that I attracted someone to me who dotes on me just as much and I am capable of doing the same towards him. As I now open up to joy I can truly deliver on power to the external world because I am also truly happy and joyful in my own world.
What do you need to do to feel lit up and powerful in your world? What would bring you joy and authenticity in your life?
As I have learned to master letting go I realize that everything that I was so worried about going wrong was only happening because I was worrying. I realize that the root of all of the things not working in my life was my own insecurity creating those worries to come true.
With more faith and trust in my own abilities and creativity I began to flow with my dreams, my desires, my inner vision and thereby let my intuition guide me in making decisions which led me directly into the vision I wanted. All I had to do was let go and truly flow with my own sixth sense. In the past I blocked it, resisted it, fought against it, but now the deeper parts of me realize that it was not working. So they let the reigns go and truly went within. Once I was there I was able to hear my deeper voice and then take action on the wise instincts I had within.
Once I let that happen everything began to work out better than I could have ever imagined. The dreams I had been trying to make manifest for years but never seemed to come true, now were popping with ease and dexterity. All I had to do was dream about it and things began to emerge. What do you have to let go of now and let your dreams guide you towards?
As you allow good things to flow in love and care begin to blossom in all parts of your life. You don't shed away relationships in order to remain safe or protected. You don't work so hard anymore to belong. You are carefree, yourself, not needing to do anything but be authentic.
Bonds which are healthy are natural, easy, full of laughter and lightness, but also depth and meaning. All of the love which is inside of you flows naturally and there is a protracted sense of flow as well as deepening of the bonds that nurture your insides which are strong and powerful rather than insecure parts of you.
Things come easy. Relationships deepen, and trust builds with time no more but it is the bind which healthy allows for honesty, authenticity, as well as healing to occur once and for all. With care and nurturing of healthy bonds old scars fall away and there is space for love to bloom.
What bonds are deepening for you during Covid? How can you naturally allow relationships to grow and develop rather than scar or be hard?
The pandemic has been a time of self-reflection, letting go of things which don't matter, but mainly a time of opening up to and accepting the now. We all have been learning the art of change, transition, allowing those things which are not working to go but also now strengthening the muscle of bringing towards us those things which are most important.
When we take the time to really remove those things which don't bring us joy, don't truly matter in the larger scheme of things, don't really elevate us to our highest potential then space opens up for the most important things to arrive. We often take things for granted pre-pandemic. Just being with unimportant things, wasting time and energy or focus on the wrong things because they are there or we are avoiding the truth.
But what the pandemic brought about was a lot of time to reflect, but it also took away those things which didn't matter because we couldn't do them. While I enjoyed large gatherings or dancing, the most important things like time with family and friends is what really matters to me and moving forward in other areas of my life which I was not opening up to due to staying too busy.
Now with the pandemic I couldn't run anymore and had to slow down. As a result the best things are finally coming into my life- things I have been wanting for a long time and I am fully enjoying the fruits of wisely letting go.
What are you allowing into your life now?
As we have all been witnessing in the US with Covid and George Floyd's death and now the picking of Kamala Harris as the Democratic VP pick a lot of old structures are falling away and there is opening for the new. While the new is not quite here yet I believe that we are all getting a chance to tolerate things that we used to endure no more. We are realizing more and more what is important. We are elevating the right things and letting go of those which are no longer useful to us. We are adjusting to what is real for us and truly what we need to thrive.
While that is change it is truly important to recognize that change is like a metamorphosis. It takes time and effort to allow for the wrong things to go, heal from the differences coming, but most importantly transition (e.g. - allow for the rights things to show up).
As a result of all of this transition this time can feel hard, strained, no longer comfortable or easy, but let's not pretend that opening up, letting go of the easy ways of being nor being fully open and vulnerable to allow happier things to flow in is easy. In fact it takes being authentic, setting boundaries, speaking your truth and not allowing injustice to flow anymore. We all collectively have to take a stand against bad behavior, structures that impede, and/or self-imposed structures which do not allow for the development of true deep wise healthy movements forward.
What are you tolerating that you need to let go of? What do you need to allow in? How can you follow your truth?
Letting go is adapting to the current situation. It is opening up and being aware of the stuck places inside. It is worthily being flexible to change and not clinging to situations which are comfortable but not truly healthy for you or getting you to where you want to go.
This long weekend I did a four day silent meditation retreat. It was powerfully grinding to a halt everything that I had been pursuing actively to be present, to be mindful, but to mainly just allow my mind to witness and observe what was going on in my mind and let go of any attachments.
I realized through that process that letting go is mastering who we are. It is flowing with the currents of life and not trying to control or debate true reality. It is letting all of the deep joy emerge from our true selves and letting that shine through. It is fully being alive each and every single moment and not looking back with regret or forward with worry. It is truly being.
I feel so grateful for the experience of true inner rejuvenation. What are you grateful for? What do you need to let go?
As we all have been in a changing environment for the last 3 months I have finally learned to let go of control. Whenever I doubt myself or lose faith in things I allow myself to focus more on putting myself into action, in trying to force or make things happen, but mainly not allowing things to freely flow or dance with life. Without the dance often work or life situations would not flourish but whither away and die which I never quite understood or couldn't seem to stop myself from pushing or forcing things to happen.
But now with Covid and with the forced slow down for a while I realized that all is happening without my controlling it. And just flowing with the change is much easier than struggling, pushing, forcing, and/or working hard all the time without any results. Instead I got quiet, meditated a lot more, listened to the intuition that was heightened as a result of the meditation and took action on it.
My intuition seems to always be right and whenever I follow it I immediately am not worried, forget about challenging those who I participate in the actions with but mainly I allow the dance to occur. I am listening to the still small voice within and not negating its presence and/or not listening to it. When I do that I realize I am no longer forcing things or trying to be in control, but I am allowing and thereby being flexible, adaptable, and finally in the flow.
How can you let go of control and be in the dance too?
Well it has been a heck of a last couple of weeks. On top of the Covid Situation there was the terrible death of George Floyd and its associated protests and speaking out here in Washington DC and around the world.
From a leadership perspective we have to stand up for what we believe in. For me that is equality for all and one particular group is suffering we stand up to support them and right now that is the African American population in this country. My heart was shattered hearing of the news of George Floyd and many others before him. I ran down to the White House one morning this week and saw all of the signs the protesters hung up. It was profound. Change is necessary and has been for a long time.
What can we as allies and leaders do to support this change?
Monica Thakrar has over 18 years experience in business focused mainly on strategy, change management, leadership development, training and coaching resulting in successful implementations of large scale transformation programs.