Have you seen the Ted Talk by Brene Brown? I recently saw it (as well as her interview on Oprah) and was floored by the topic. I immediately bought the book “Daring Greatly” and had to share it with you. It is about showing up courageously (with your whole heart) and being vulnerable. 

As a leader what does that mean for you? It means rehumanizing work so that people stay engaged, feedback is open, the purpose of the work people do is clear, and that employees are not fearful of change (or adapting to rapidly shifting environments). It is allowing for failure in an organization without putting shame on people so that creativity and innovation can thrive. It is leaning into inspired leadership (or showing through your actions engaging work styles rather than just through what you say). It is about showing up and allowing people to thrive and not just survive in your organization.

She says in the first chapter we need to examine what we are up against as leaders in order to get to this place of rehumanizing the work place. She says we are currently in a culture of “Never Enough.” She says this comes from scarcity or a pervasive feeling of lack (e.g. - lack of time to get every thing done, lack of money, lack of abundance, lack of opportunity when the economy is in recession, lack of safety).  She continues to say that we spend an inordinate amount of time comparing ourselves (or our organizations) to others  based upon a fictional account of how great we think they are creating a sense of scarcity.

She says it also comes from the major shifts the country has gone through since 9/11 (wars, recession, a natural disasters, an increase in random violence) which has traumatized us as a culture. She says “worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress,” and rather than coming together to heal we are left angry and scared.

She says the three components of scarcity that are influencing our culture:

• Shame - are we tying self-worth to achievement, productivity, or compliance?
  
• Comparison - are we constantly comparing and ranking? Are we stifling creativity?
  
• Disengagement - are people afraid to take risks?
  

She says the opposite of scarcity is enough or Wholeheartedness. At the core this is vulnerability or worthiness, facing uncertainty, exposure, emotional risks and knowing that I am enough.

Are you leading from a place of scarcity? Would you answer yes to any of the questions above about the three components of scarcity? Is your organization functioning from a place of lack? If so, keep reading the next blog posts to find out how you can shift that culture.

So how do introverts and extroverts interact? Susan Cain says that it can be difficult in terms of communications and conflict resolution. She says that introverts typically are conflict avoidant while extroverts can handle conflict better. Also she says that introverts tend to like people they meet in friendly contexts, while extroverts tend to like people they compete with.

So how do you handle the interaction between the two? The author says that the extrovert needs to learn how to calm down, take a breath and speak up about the conflict when he is calmer (looking for a win-win solution). For the introvert it is to accept that she might be wrong (and not get stuck in the guilt of it) and also to fight back (e.g. - in a way that stops the anger from the other side). 

Introverts can engage in healthy communication and conflict resolution through engaging in conversation in their own way and by understanding that their dislike of conversational multitasking is real.

She also says that parents can help their introverted children by understanding their way of being and then slowly introducing them to new things and new ways of being without pushing them into it. Therefore they get used to interacting and being ok with novelty. Also it is great to help your child find a passion that they can lean into and truly find themselves in as confidence grows from being good at something. Relationships between extroverts and introverts can and do work but sometimes just take a bit of understanding and empathy about how the other type interacts with others.

Overall the author advocates for allowing introverts to be themselves and contribute to the world in the way that suits their temperament. If they do come out of their comfort zone for a sense of purpose then allow themselves some restorative periods. 

As a Myers Briggs certified instructor a person and/or a leader who is introverted can be just as effective as an extrovert for both are personality styles and neither is better than the other. Each has their unique way of being and interacting in the world and it is imperative to stay true to who you are as a person or as a leader in order to be the most authentic and effective you can be.

In chapter 8 Susan Cain takes on the extrovert ideal from a cultural perspective. She gives examples of East Asians and how they value silence and studying. She says that the extroverted ideal in the US is contrasted to the silence is golden in Asia. But those Asians sometimes struggle in America to become more extroverted in order to fit in. 

In the US Asians often have to work on the extroversion part (different than the culture of their parents) in order to fit into the Extrovert ideal here in the US. But she argues that there are introverts who have been great leaders - those who have a conviction that they lead from such as Gandhi, Buddha and Mother Teresa. They are focused on something that they believe in and allowed them to embrace the power of quiet.

In chapter 9 the author continues by saying that people can often act outside of their core personality (e.g. - introvert or extrovert) especially when it is in service of something that they love (e.g. - an introvert can be extroverted for work they love like being a teacher). She says while this can be done, if done excessively it can be disastrous. If you do in service of something you love it is great, but you also  need to then build in as many “restorative niches” as you can in order to have a time to be your true self. She calls it a “Free Trait Agreement.” This is an opportunity to go outside of your comfort zone for X amount of time/situations and then allow yourself to come back to your comfort zone.

As an entrepreneur and a trainer/consultant and an introvert I feel like I often act outside of my core personality by needing to network and stand in front of classrooms all day, but I do it service of a higher purpose of helping others to achieve their potential and having freedom/flexibility in my life to do what I love. It can be exhausting, but I do build in restorative one-on-one dinners with friends and nights in where I can just write and read and rejuvenate my spirit. If you act outside of your core personality what do you do to restore yourself? What Free Trait Agreements are you making?

In chapter 6 Susan Cain continues to talk about introverts by saying that highly sensitive people typically process information about their environment in an unusually deep way. This may explain why they get bored of small talk so easily.

She also says that highly sensitive people are more empathic and have unusually strong consciences. Therefore in social settings they may focus on subjects like personal problems which others consider “too heavy.” She says the world needs us (introverts) as a balance to the “cool” socially adept extroverts who have more small talk and engage more with others. Without one or the other, however, things would not be balanced or work quite as well.

In chapter 7 the author discusses the tendency of extroverts to be more reward sensitive (chasing of rewards such as money, sex, social status and influence), while introverts are more successful at regulating their emotions of desire and excitement. This leads to a suggestion that in group settings extroverts listen to introverts when it comes to problems ahead. Therefore Cain says we need to balance between action and reflection.  She gives the example of Warren Buffett who is thoughtful, reflective, and sits back and thinks before he takes action.

Overall Susan Cain is making an argument that the ways of introverts of needed in overall society and truly provide a balance to the extroverted “normal” that seems to prevail in so many different industries such as business, politics, etc.

As an introvert I am seeing more and more how my way of being is needed in the world. Since I have been reflective for so many years I can now offer the insights I have gleaned as a result to my extroverted family members and friends who sometimes seem to follow the rewards and/or look for the next shiny object instead of looking inside and seeing what is of true value to them in the end. Are you an extrovert or introvert? Do you see the value of balancing the two in teams, in families, and in friendships?