So what keeps us from being vulnerable? Brene Brown says it is shame. She defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It is the fear of being disconnected.

In organizations shame comes out when people are too scared to share an idea, be innovative, provide feedback, or speak to a client. People are worried about being wrong, being belittled, or feeling less than. 

She says that the way to move out of shame is to develop shame resilience. She says that shame resilience is being authentic about how we are feeling, moving through that experience, and coming out on the other side with more compassion and courage than when we went into it. It is moving from shame to empathy as sharing the shame with someone who can empathize with you is really the key healer of shame. She says that there are four elements to developing shame resilience:

• Recognizing shame and understanding its triggers - can you feel in your body when you are experiencing shame? Can you determine what messages triggered that feeling? 
  
• Practicing critical awareness - can you become self-aware enough to understand what messages are driving your shame and ask whether they are true or not?
  
• Reaching out - are you owning your story and sharing it with others in order to experience the empathy?
  
• Speaking shame - are you talking about how you feel and asking for the support you need through the process?
  

Shame resilience is a way of protecting connection to self and to others, but often when we experience shame our emotions take over and we end up in fight or flight mode. We hide, withdraw, seek to appease, or be aggressive as a way to disconnect from the shame. She says the way to stay in connection is to:

• Practice courage and reach out - instead of withdrawing reach out to someone and share your experience.
  
• Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love - empathize with yourself.
  
• Own the story - don’t bury it and let it fester.
  

We also have to learn to be empathetic with others in order to help them out of their shame. It can be a practice to support others, listen to others, and encourage others to see their shame and let it go. It is turning towards others that sets them and us free in the end. It is supporting each other through the shame and allowing vulnerability which is truly courageous both inside and outside the workplace.

Are you speaking your shame in your organization? Are you supporting people through their shame by encouraging them, inviting a risk-taking environment (e.g. - allowing failure), and staying open to feedback? These are all things that will build a culture of creativity and innovation in your organization so begin to lean into shame resiliency today.

“Take the Lead” is a leadership book written by Betsy Myers, the sister of Dee Dee Myers (former press secretary under Bill Clinton), and a political powerhouse in her own right. She worked in the SBA on women’s issues in the Clinton administration, was an executive at the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard University, and was the COO of President Obama’s campaign in 2008. 

From all of her insights in politics, academia, and business Ms. Myers wrote a thoughtful, articulate book about the seven qualities she sees in top leaders. In this post I will focus on the first three:

Authenticity - Betsy Myers says that people who are true to themselves, do what brings them true joy, and are expressing who they really are resonate with others. She quotes Warren Bennis (a leadership guru) who says, “People begin to be leaders at the moment when they decide for themselves how to be.” These people draw others to them, “freak out with joy” at what they are doing, and are self-aware about what motivates them and what is important in their lives.

Connection - The second trait she sees in leaders are ones who are able to connect with other people. They are ones who can build strong relationships, make others feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves, and are generally curious and generous with others. She also says fostering a sense of connection creates a powerful force within a group to get things done.

Respect - “Respect means being willing to listen and let others have voice, even when it might be inconvenient, difficult, or painful to do so.” Leaders understand that everyone will have a unique perspective and even if they don’t agree with the other person’s opinion allowing that opinion to be heard is important. Often it is letting other’s feel heard that earns their respect and their willingness to come together and work through things even if there was a conflict in the beginning. Respect can be a powerful influencer in building trust. She uses the example of President Obama telling her he wanted to run a campaign filled with respect.

Overall these are important leadership traits outlined by Betsy Myers. They are more of the heart based leadership traits that are not often talked about in traditional leadership books, but as more women are coming into power, what I call more typically “feminine” leadership traits are becoming more recognized as valuable and important. I am happy that Betsy Myers is recognizing the importance of these traits and calling them out in her book.

Do you demonstrate authenticity, connection, and respect as a leader in your organization? If not how can you bring more of these more feminine traits into your business?

This is a review of the first part of “Switch - How to Change Things When Change is Hard” by Chip Heath and Dan Heath. This book describes three major ways to make change happen in any part of your business, organization, or life. They describe the three methods - as directing the Rider (your rational mind), motivating the Elephant (your emotions), and shaping the path (providing guidance on how to get there).

This post will focus on the directing the Rider. The Rider is the rational mind and can often get stuck in “analysis paralysis” when a change is occurring. The Rider might not know how to change or what to do or it could be exhausted from trying so hard to change (and moving past the emotional Elephant) that it loses steam. The rational mind can also get stuck in choosing the short term gain versus the longer term view of things (e.g. - eating chocolate now or losing weight in the long term).

So what do Chip Heath and Dan Heath say about directing the Rider? They say first that you need to find some bright spots or positive examples of when this change has successfully happened in the past. For example when have you been able to implement a successful process or technology change? What were the key components of making that successful? The Heath brothers argue that if you or someone in your organization has been able to do it before then you can do it again. It is like Tony Robbins always says: “Success leaves signs.”

The second way that Chip and Dan Heath say that you can direct the Rider is to give it direction. They say that the best way to get of the analysis of the mind is to envision a future where the change already exists. Lay it that vision in detail and know what that long term looks like and feels like. Then they say to script out the critical moves to get there. If the new vision is a new process change then script out what the old process is, what the new process could be, the gaps, and then first 5-10 ten steps on how to achieve that new process. Then your employees will know exactly what to do in bite size pieces so that they can start to make the change without the rational mind getting in the way.

So what bright spots can you identify in your organization to help you with your current change process? Or what vision are you trying to achieve in your life? And how can you map out the critical steps that you can use to start getting there today?