Guy Hendricks continues on with “The Big Leap” by saying that when we are enjoying high levels of success in finances, creativity, or relationships we often create high dramas in our lives in order to prevent us from feeling that enhanced success. This is the Upper Limit Problem.

He says that reason that we create this drama is from one (or more) of the four primary false beliefs or fears that we hold:

• Feeling fundamentally flawed - this belief tells you to play it safe and stay small. This is an old belief that can be triggered any time that you reach a new level of success. When this happens you can either return to your old set point or dissolve the underlying belief in order to move on to new levels of success.
  
• Disloyalty and abandonment - with this belief you feel like if you were successful you would be all alone and would leave behind all the people from your past. If you achieve success with this belief then you follow it with self-punishment.
  
• Believing that more success brings a bigger burden - here you feel that you are a burden from when you are really young so you feel guilty any time you are successful.
  
• The crime of outshining - this is a belief that you need to tone down your success in order to not outshine someone else.
  

He says these four beliefs are the root causes for us hitting our Upper Limit Problem. He says we can identify times when we are “upper-limiting” ourselves when we see we are doing the following behaviors:

• Worrying - worry when we cannot control something is just noise designed to keep us safe in our Zone of Excellence or Zone of Competence
  
• Criticism and blame - these are really ways to stop the flow of positive energy (even if the blame or criticism is directed at oneself)
  
• Deflecting - avoiding positive comments or acknowledgement in order to crimp the positive flow of energy keeps us from challenging ourselves to feel good.
  
• Squabbling - arguing often occurs as a race towards occupying the victim position in the relationship
  
• Getting sick or hurt - often are ways to show that you have an upper limit problem. There is a strong link between emotional and physical health
  

Letting yourself savor natural good feelings is a direct way to transcend the upper limit problem. Also awareness of when you are doing the above items and shifting them into more positive behaviors can be helpful.

Can you notice times when you are worrying, blaming, deflecting or getting sick? Are they upper limit behaviors for you?

I have been inspired by reading the book “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks. It is a great hand guide to moving past the blocks, which are holding you back from being the leader that you can be. 

The author says that just about everybody suffers from the “Upper Limit Problem” or a limited tolerance for feeling good. He says when people hit that upper limit they manufacture thoughts that make them feel bad, stopping their positive forward trajectory and bringing them back to the bounds of their limited tolerance. He says that people can break through the upper limit and move towards their “Zone of Genius” by addressing the thoughts that are holding them back or breath through the fog of fear it brings and turn it into exhilaration

He says there is a triad of items that grow in the same pace - abundance, love and creativity. If we are feeling good in one area it can trigger some old thought that will sabotage your behavior and bring you back down to your old feelings. But he says you can practice moving through this by focusing on the good feelings and not acting on the negative trigger. He says the upper limit problem needs to be dis-solved by shining the light of awareness on it.

He says that our activities in life and/or business occur in four main zones:

• Zone of Incompetence - this zone is made up of all the things you are not good at.
  
• Zone of Competence - you are competent at these activities, but others can do them just as well.
  
• Zone of Excellence - these are the activities you do extremely well.
  
• Zone of Genius - this is where you express your natural genius and is your ultimate path to success and life satisfaction.
  

The author suggests that the only zone that will produce the most fulfillment in our lives is by living in the Zone of Genius.

Where are you living in your life and/or business? Are you living in your Zone of Genius?

Dr. Cloud finalizes his book “Necessary Endings” by talking about how to tackle internal and external barriers or resistance to change. Here are a few resistance factors:

• Incompatible wishes - wishes which go against each other. Maturity comes with the ability to let go of one wish in order to have another.
  
• No attachment to a certain outcome - you have to be able to face losing some things you might want in order to be free to do the right thing.
  
• Medicating thoughts - numbing the anxiety of making a decision or parting with something they are attached to.
  
• The paradox of “whole-vision” - this is the maturity needed to know when to remain invested in a relationship and when to let go of it by seeing the whole picture (positives and negatives).
  
• External resisters such as self-absorbed resisters, threatened resisters, the NoNos - these are all people outside of you (e.g. - in your business or your personal life) who are resisting the change you want to make
  

Even by getting past the resistance factors change is hard so know that endings are difficult to do and it will be bumpy ride. Feel the grief that comes with the ending. It is a natural process and you are often grieving the investment you made into that person, idea, or object. If you don’t feel the feelings with letting something go then you will remain tethered to it in some way.

So how do you sustain the ability to make a change? If you don’t make changes that a necessary Dr. Cloud says that you begin to get depleted. Noticing that your emotions, finances, relationships, etc are getting depleted will allow you to get the motivation to change.

Overall making necessary endings is all about creating the future that you so desire. It takes courage, commitment, and a vision to move to the place that you want to be. So what do you have to have the courage to let go of in order to create the next step that you so desire? What are you willing to let to go to chase your dream?
Wednesday, June 13, 2012

 
 

Dr. Cloud continues in Necessary Endings by discussing how to know when to let go of people as this can often be the hardest ending. He says a way to understand this is to diagnose the character of the people. He says that there are three kinds of people and you need to deal with each kind differently:

• Wise people - a person who can learn from his own experience or the experience of another, make that part of himself and then deliver results from that experience base. They adjust to the truth and you deal with them by talking to and giving them feedback.
  
• Foolish people - a person who rejects feedback, resists it, explains it away, and does nothing to adjust to meet its requirements. They adjust the truth so they don’t have to do anything different so talking to them about the problem does not help but setting limits and consequences does. Making the foolish person feel consequences is the biggest way to help influence their change.
  
• Evil people - a person who wants to hurt you intentionally and the way to deal with them is to step away and protect yourself.
  

Dr. Cloud says the way to make a change is to create urgency and this can be done with time and energy. He says there are few strategies to create urgency:

• Make the threat to our future as real in our minds as it is in reality
  
• Create “Ending Alliances” - form powerful coalitions of those people who will be influencers of change
  
• Create vision - this helps to create the motivation to change
  
• Set deadlines - force endings by a certain timeframe
  
• Create structure - consisting of time, plans, critical paths, milestones, deadlines, and meetings.
  
• Stay close to the misery - to keep giving you the incentive to change
  
• Measure, measure, measure - to make sure progress is made
  

Doing these steps helps to make urgent the new normal.  What are you doing to ensure that you are assessing whether the people you are working with are the right ones? Are you creating enough urgency to create the changes that you desire. What is one step above that you can implement in order to begin to make the change?