Happy 2021! What a year 2020 was. With so much uncertainty, anxiety, and stress, we learned to adapt, change, slow down, go inward, spend time with family and let go. With all of that pause I have gotten to a joyous place within knowing that contentment, peace, happiness, and love all are an inside out job. While we all look externally for these things, really they start with us.
As I had more time to go within, be more mindful, and truly trust my own gut through a time when everything outside was different and challenging I realized that there is joy in the little things. There is joy in the mundane, joy in the connections deepening with old friends and new, new partners and friends, but mainly opening up the role of partner for the first time in a way which is whole, deep, powerful, but mainly tender. While the opening happened intellectually 5-6 years ago, my body and spirit only really opened in 2020 due to the work of staying put and naturally letting go of anxiety and fear rather than avoiding those feelings by running around, going to events, and not letting my spirit evolve.
With the down time at the end of the year I realized that the world is full of love if we just open our hearts and spirits to them. We just have to end the mindset of fear and truly open up within to joy by really taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves first not only but not opening up to giving more than we get. It is my new motto for the year.
What is your motto for 2021?
While I always had some what of a faith, I never really truly let go of control in my life. I meditated, opened myself up to religious teachings, even did service work, but in the core of me I was still reticent to believe the truth there was really a big force at play (or that I didn't have to work hard or make sure things happened in life).
This year with Covid, with not being able to truly be with friends and family in a way that I have in the past, and also in in trusting that there must be some greater good going on with all of the hardships this year (Covid, social injustice, elections...) I truly chose to let go. I believe with all of my heart now that love does conquer everything, that the role of friend, family member, colleague requires nourishing others, but mainly now opening up to the pleasure and pain of healthy relationships and not letting go when things get hard.
For the first time I trust God or a higher being to truly take the reigns and me not worry about the goals I am trying to achieve. For the first time I am letting go and trusting that things will work out the way that they should and now opening up within to fully letting go not only but now opening up to healthy partnerships in a way that I never could have by trying to control the outcome.
I am now fully surrendered to trust, to love, to devotion, but now also to true faith in something bigger and no longer holding back from once and for all laying down all of my need to control and wisely opening up my arms to say thanks for whatever arises and/or whatever leaves for my whole being now knows that it is the only way for me to fully blossom into the best version of me.
What do you need to lay down and/or let go of?
Now that I am elevating my energy physically (through working out daily), emotionally (through developing who I am in relationship to others), mentally (through working in deeper communities of trust), and spiritually (through time blocking deeper conversations no more but letting my body now guide me through in difficult decisions as well as meditating much more regularly in depth) I am seeing just how strong I can be. As a result the power within me is growing and I am becoming the best version of me that I can possibly be.
Now that I am open to receive, limited no more by my childhood imbalances, and loving of myself fully all of the deeper values in my heart, mind, body, and soul are now able to flourish. For the wisdom within me now opens up and lets go of anger at myself or something higher, and now focuses on the progress I have made instead. For the real deep social core of me now healthily wakes up to just how much love is all around me and just how important strong, stable, and supportive relationships really are to your wellbeing.
I am now in a place to give and receive, powerfully own my own worth, as well as lift/support others up to see theirs, but now amazingly also in powerful circles enough to elevate my true authentic self and joyfully attract to me my partner. For before I was always getting down about how much I didn't trust people as they came close or I was blinded by my own imbalances inside thereby picking improper people. But now as I diminish my own heart's needs, vision, desires, but mostly my dreams then I no longer attract to me lacking in power themselves people.
What do you need to "own" in order to draw towards you your dreams, visions, and desires?
When you are in a loving partnership growth happens, but then limitations get revealed as well. When there is pampering of the strengths then the weaknesses get diminished as well as worries flee. For in the early stages of a healthy dynamic both people focus solely on the good, but after the honeymoon period is over weaknesses begin to open up.
When the bonding grows through the post honeymoon period love can flourish. When the deep fissures begin to show through the elevation of focus on those things which are not working then progress gets slowed, but doesn't need to stop. As I now open up to the worthiness inside of me who I see as my partner is revealed not as what I need but truly through what was my blindspots from my youth as well as through time being spent through the eyes of my wellbeing. As I see through those eyes I see that I was not wrong in this choice, but not willing to see that I socialized improperly for so long as a child that I am still choosing those types of encumberances. As I now open up to the proper love in my life I can let go of those improper types and now finally embrace the readiness inside of me to FLY!
What do you need to let go of so that you can fly?
Even in caring and loving partnerships conflicts arise. Deep insecurities surface. Disagreements occur. And in a powerful union that doesn't tear the two apart, but deepens the resolve and love to work through the tough times together. While insecurities can push the other away for some time, in love the the two have to work together to truly thrive. One thriving and the other not is not a healthy union. Both people have to rise to the level together to be able to commit to a fruitful future together.
In the times of Covid these arguments are heightened, deeper partnerships emerge, and deep insecurities come as well. With the togetherness that arises in quarantine times loneliness is no longer available, but joy also goes away some in the darkness of picking out insecurities that arise when love is blossoming. With deep care however insecurities can be managed, love can right size, and bonds can deepen.
Through these arising conflicts focus on compassion as well as deep care for the other person. Use care to soften the jagged edges and humor to lighten the moments. Though conflict can be heard deeper levels of partnership and intimacy can arise through growing the family unit rather than continuing to shy away from it.
What conflict do you need to have? What do you need to work through to deepen your partnerships or family units?
As you grow in power, authenticity, but also trust healthy partnerships with friends, a romantic partner, colleagues, as well as those you socialize/work with become easier. As a leader networking is critical to success. And in life partnership is like breathing oxygen into an otherwise deeply lonely existence.
With joy comes relaxation of the the heart, tenderness grows, and now deep soulful attraction can arise due to limitations within no more but trust of the world, of what is arriving being exactly what is needed, but mainly duty to the path emerging in front of you finally feeling right not mixed wires (e.g. - needing it, but it truly not feeling good). I know I had a long path to feeling joy and tenderness, and now kindness towards myself but also truly towards others as well, (but not in a self-martyring way, but in a way that caresses the other without giving up on the self).
All of that internal work of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and building up the muscle of resilience (e.g. - strength and power) truly elevated me through into doting on myself so much that I attracted someone to me who dotes on me just as much and I am capable of doing the same towards him. As I now open up to joy I can truly deliver on power to the external world because I am also truly happy and joyful in my own world.
What do you need to do to feel lit up and powerful in your world? What would bring you joy and authenticity in your life?
As I have learned to master letting go I realize that everything that I was so worried about going wrong was only happening because I was worrying. I realize that the root of all of the things not working in my life was my own insecurity creating those worries to come true.
With more faith and trust in my own abilities and creativity I began to flow with my dreams, my desires, my inner vision and thereby let my intuition guide me in making decisions which led me directly into the vision I wanted. All I had to do was let go and truly flow with my own sixth sense. In the past I blocked it, resisted it, fought against it, but now the deeper parts of me realize that it was not working. So they let the reigns go and truly went within. Once I was there I was able to hear my deeper voice and then take action on the wise instincts I had within.
Once I let that happen everything began to work out better than I could have ever imagined. The dreams I had been trying to make manifest for years but never seemed to come true, now were popping with ease and dexterity. All I had to do was dream about it and things began to emerge. What do you have to let go of now and let your dreams guide you towards?
As you allow good things to flow in love and care begin to blossom in all parts of your life. You don't shed away relationships in order to remain safe or protected. You don't work so hard anymore to belong. You are carefree, yourself, not needing to do anything but be authentic.
Bonds which are healthy are natural, easy, full of laughter and lightness, but also depth and meaning. All of the love which is inside of you flows naturally and there is a protracted sense of flow as well as deepening of the bonds that nurture your insides which are strong and powerful rather than insecure parts of you.
Things come easy. Relationships deepen, and trust builds with time no more but it is the bind which healthy allows for honesty, authenticity, as well as healing to occur once and for all. With care and nurturing of healthy bonds old scars fall away and there is space for love to bloom.
What bonds are deepening for you during Covid? How can you naturally allow relationships to grow and develop rather than scar or be hard?
The pandemic has been a time of self-reflection, letting go of things which don't matter, but mainly a time of opening up to and accepting the now. We all have been learning the art of change, transition, allowing those things which are not working to go but also now strengthening the muscle of bringing towards us those things which are most important.
When we take the time to really remove those things which don't bring us joy, don't truly matter in the larger scheme of things, don't really elevate us to our highest potential then space opens up for the most important things to arrive. We often take things for granted pre-pandemic. Just being with unimportant things, wasting time and energy or focus on the wrong things because they are there or we are avoiding the truth.
But what the pandemic brought about was a lot of time to reflect, but it also took away those things which didn't matter because we couldn't do them. While I enjoyed large gatherings or dancing, the most important things like time with family and friends is what really matters to me and moving forward in other areas of my life which I was not opening up to due to staying too busy.
Now with the pandemic I couldn't run anymore and had to slow down. As a result the best things are finally coming into my life- things I have been wanting for a long time and I am fully enjoying the fruits of wisely letting go.
What are you allowing into your life now?
Monica Thakrar has over 18 years experience in business focused mainly on strategy, change management, leadership development, training and coaching resulting in successful implementations of large scale transformation programs.