Failure is something that leaders don't like to do but with sometimes our biggest lessons result. We often are so timid and look to belong so much that we don't truly stand up for what is important to us (our core values) due to wanting to adhere to the instructions of people around you and/or being so bonded with the people that they are fearful of voicing their deep strength/inherent worth.
So what do the most influential leaders do? First of all they stay true to their values. Second they pursue those values even when they are might start to come in conflict with the right organization for a while, but not for the long term, and thirdly opening up to valuing themselves so much that they work to influence the current organization and working to find a new way of operating together or ineffectively doing that by contracting/shutting down/ or not voicing what is truly on their mind that they end up losing the bond that made the situation so worth it.
In the long run if we don't truly voice what is important to us we end up losing things anyway (failing) when they go away. When we react negatively due to holding back voicing what is truly on our mind the blowback can be devestating (losing business, bonds, and/or cherished relationships). In the long run being real is much more important than maintaining a pleasant face because the real will eventually come out (and perhaps not in the best way).
Learn from your failure, speak up more normatively rather than critically due to holding things back for so long, and deepen your relationships rather than failing...
As a leader we often think we have to do everything alone - setting the vision, working to ensure things are on track, and measuring progress. But with a deep sense of inner authenticity and valuing of our own self, community now can thrive and we no longer want or need to do things solely on our own. We can come from a place of overflow, abundance, and richness from within and thereby work with community who supports us just as much as we support them, we have similar senses of values, vision, and goals, but mainly there is a sense of give and take. Each person in the community contributes as well as there is a deep abiding sense of confidence that each of you has each other's backs.
With that inner richness, we learn to adapt to other's ways of thinking, develop a sense of worthiness through enjoying the interpersonal skills which have been honed to honor other people as well as their inner richness. Emotional intelligence skills now come into play as the self-awareness grown through years of developing our own selves now spills over into deep social awareness as well as conflict management, communications, as well as influence skills now being to thrive and prosper. We can now open up to changing and thereby bringing people along with you to a better future. Working with others now is the goal and growth occurs much more smoothly rather than resisting or hesitating growth and thereby feeling pain. Wouldn't you rather learn and grow through love and community rather than pain and resistance? If so lean into partnerships, community, and do the work of learning how to engage in healthy dynamics with people by developing your emotional intelligence as well as compassion skills.
Knowing yourself and thereby fully accepting yourself is hard work. It can take some time to truly go within and let go of non-genuine parts of you. When you are in environments that make you behave in a certain way for so long, becoming your true self is a powerful force of stalwart change. Once realized it is like there is never a going back to what was, but only now with vulnerability as well as power you can change the world.
Real genuineness is in knowing you are not perfect but wisely accepting all of you anyway. Deepening your own self-care is a way to gain this self-understanding as well as self-confidence for once you own your power others know that they cannot push you around anymore. You are genuine within and can stand up for yourself, own your own power, but now also trust that the wise parts of you can now lead the way. You trust your instincts in ALL aspects of your life not just the ones which have been working so well only up until this point. Now you can finally judge all parts of your life with power, self-confidence and good decision making skills. Take the time to empower yourself, gain trust in your own voice, and trust that deep connections come as a result of once and for all belonging to yourself.
When you are strong within yourself then you want to spend time with others, give to them, and support their dreams and visions of life just as you expect them to do for you. Companionship enhances who you already are and allows you to develop your sense of right and wrong together rather than solely for yourself. All together when you are with others life enhances, grows, develops, and charges forward to much greater lengths than trying to do everything by yourself. You just don't have enough strength to do it all on your own.
Love is the key to companionship. Love for yourself, but also love for others. Developing that love takes happiness in the body you are in as well as deep understanding of your own strengths, weaknesses, assets, and values. Once you know those and take action to live by those values you can truly partner in a healthy way with another who gets you and truly values you for who you are. Then you can take chances on bigger and better things, enhance your world and grow together rather than be so small on your own. Love truly does conquer lack of patience, as well as deep destructive tendencies which would push the other person away. When you love another you request more of their time and togetherness in a way that they can see you truly care for them without getting upset because they know you, they understand your ways, and develop a healthy way of guiding you back to your own assets for they bring out the best version of you. Work to develop that healthy relationship for when you find it it will be the safest place for you to land each and every single day. Who do you need to be in order to develop that kind of relationship with another?
Monica Thakrar has over 18 years experience in business focused mainly on strategy, change management, leadership development, training and coaching resulting in successful implementations of large scale transformation programs.