So how do introverts and extroverts interact? Susan Cain says that it can be difficult in terms of communications and conflict resolution. She says that introverts typically are conflict avoidant while extroverts can handle conflict better. Also she says that introverts tend to like people they meet in friendly contexts, while extroverts tend to like people they compete with.

So how do you handle the interaction between the two? The author says that the extrovert needs to learn how to calm down, take a breath and speak up about the conflict when he is calmer (looking for a win-win solution). For the introvert it is to accept that she might be wrong (and not get stuck in the guilt of it) and also to fight back (e.g. - in a way that stops the anger from the other side). 

Introverts can engage in healthy communication and conflict resolution through engaging in conversation in their own way and by understanding that their dislike of conversational multitasking is real.

She also says that parents can help their introverted children by understanding their way of being and then slowly introducing them to new things and new ways of being without pushing them into it. Therefore they get used to interacting and being ok with novelty. Also it is great to help your child find a passion that they can lean into and truly find themselves in as confidence grows from being good at something. Relationships between extroverts and introverts can and do work but sometimes just take a bit of understanding and empathy about how the other type interacts with others.

Overall the author advocates for allowing introverts to be themselves and contribute to the world in the way that suits their temperament. If they do come out of their comfort zone for a sense of purpose then allow themselves some restorative periods. 

As a Myers Briggs certified instructor a person and/or a leader who is introverted can be just as effective as an extrovert for both are personality styles and neither is better than the other. Each has their unique way of being and interacting in the world and it is imperative to stay true to who you are as a person or as a leader in order to be the most authentic and effective you can be.

As 2013 now heads into the middle of March I have finally got back into blogging reviews about top leadership books. The one I am currently reading is called “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain. I was particularly interested in this book because I am an introvert and a business owner and often feel like I need to be more extroverted in order to go to networking events and sell business.

The first two chapters of this book, which are the focus of this blog post, begin to describe the Culture of Personality that the author says came about with the self help age in the 1930’s. It was a time where Dale Carnegie began to teach people how speak in public and sell using more extroverted means. It was a shift from a Culture of Character (from the Abraham Lincoln days) focused on the internal character to one favoring more of the external presence. 

She said almost 100 years later that culture that favors extroverts still exists and provided three examples that cater to this ideal. She gave the example of a Tony Robbins (a very well known life/business coach) event where he taught and advocated for high energy, highly interactive ways of selling and dealing with people. 

The second example was of Harvard Business School where the ideal student participated in class all the time, worked in study groups with others, and was also highly social in the evening leaving little time for down time.

The third example was evangelical church of Rick Warren, called Saddleback Church. Here again the ideal pastor/participant was highly extroverted and bringing more people in the fold.

The author claims here through her research that some of the most popular, well known institutions advocated and taught that extrovertedness is a highly desirable value and THE way to influence, sell, and bring people along to their views.

I find these three examples very powerful in showing that highly extroverted, charismatic personalities/institutions advocate for others to be that way too. As a Myers Briggs certified coach I know that each preference has value and brings different offerings to the world, but I do think that as extroverts there is often a tendency to think that extrovertedness is the best way to be. I do think in some ways I have adapted my natural preference of introvertedness in my business activities to fit this mold a bit and come home sometimes exhausted from all of the energy exerted outwards. Let’s see what the author says about the power of introverts as I continue the review in the next blog post...