Conflict Resolution - What is the real issue?

Do you ever find that you are cycling on issues with your partner, with a colleague, or in an organization? Do you feel like you are arguing about the same things? It is often the sign of lack of trust in the relationship and/or lack of understanding the other side. As Steven Covey says in his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, "Seek first to understand before being understood."

People need to feel deeply listened to, paid attention to, as then psychologically they can relax with you. It takes work to truly listen to someone and to pay attention to their deep thoughts, emotions, or even fears for it can be scary to hear that much authenticity or take that much time to truly go deep with that person. But in the long run it builds trust, shows caring and understanding, and eventually develops a strong emotional bank account. Through that strong emotional bank account you can then seek to be understood as well. The other person then will also want to reciprocate, pay attention, and truly step up to build that emotional bank account with you as well.

At the end of the day trust is the foundation of any good relationship whether personal or professional. Do you have trust in your relationships? If not what can you do to truly listen to people and make them feel safe with you?