"Daring Greatly" Review 4

So how do we stop ourselves from being vulnerable? Brene Brown continues in Daring Greatly to say: by knowing and acting in ways congruent to believing that we are “enough.” She says that there are three major shields that we use to arm ourselves from vulnerability and she provides strategies to move past them:

• Foreboding Joy - she says this is almost a continuum of rehearsing tragedy to perpetual disappointment. Often people are in a joyful moment but then expect something bad to happen. It takes vulnerability to feel joy and just experience the moment as it is. She said that “joy is a spiritual way of engaging with the world that’s connected to practicing gratitude” so the way to lean into joy is gratitude. So whenever you feel yourself shutting down joy say what you are grateful to in that moment and stay vulnerable.
  
• Perfectionism - she defines it as “a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” But she says that perfectionism actually is unattainable and feeds a cycle of shame and blame. She says the antidote is to it is appreciating the beauty of the cracks by having self-compassion and talking to ourselves as we would speak to others we care about. She says self-compassion has three elements of: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. 
  
• Numbing - she says the most powerful need for numbing seems to come from combinations of shame, anxiety, and disconnection. In order not to feel these feelings we often numb them through sugar, busyness, or the more extreme versions of addictions, depression, bullying, violence or suicide. She says the strategies people can use to deal with numbing are setting boundaries, finding true comfort, and cultivating spirit. This meant that people needed to lean into the uncomfortable emotions. It is valuing yourself enough to set time/emotion/commitment boundaries. It is also understanding why you do things (e.g. - do you eat chocolate for the sweetness or cram it in your face to numb an emotion).
  

While these are three top ways of avoiding vulnerability she says that there are some minor ways we use such as: 

• Viking or victim/trauma - (win/lose or succeed/fail mentality), which could could be changed by cultivating trust in relationships
  
• Letting it all hang out/floodlighting - meaning that you overshare which can push people away and the way to change this is to set appropriate boundaries
  
• Smash and grab (oversharing for attention) - and the way to change this is question people’s intentions
  
• Zigzagging away from it - which is changed by being present and moving forward
  
• Being critical - which is shifted through shame resilience
  

Are you exhibiting any of these ways of avoiding vulnerability? If so how are they impacting your leadership style and your organization?